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==[[User:Jessika Thiele|Jessika Thiele]]: A long article, Saturday,24th May,2008==
==[[User:Jessika Thiele|Jessika Thiele]]: A long article, Saturday,24th May,2008==
Revision as of 20:41, 25 May 2008
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You Know What Band I Like? The Mr. T Experience. --Bryon Burzynski 14:55, 25 May 2008 (CEST)
I found myself to a degree freaking out about a variety of things (mostly loneliness) of late, coupled with at times an intense desire to just hop on the next flight back home, But the truth is I'm much more afraid of not following through on everything here than I am of spending my nights alone. I'm sure I could think of something more meaningful or in-depth to write here, but that's the just of the way I'm feeling. I spent a few hours today sitting in my windowsil (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) listening to WAMU's (American University's National Public Radio station) Bluegrass H.D. radio station online and watching the rain. I would take a cloudy rainy day like this over all the sunny days in the world, because there's nothing more rejuvinating than a gentle rain. Also, umm, some sort of joke to end on... Oh! The names of the characters in "The Life of David Gale" are all rediculous (except for the title character); If I had a name like "Bitsy Bloom", or "Braxton Belyue" I would be very very angry at my parents. (I recognize the fact that my name is likewise a B-B alliteration, but come on people, It's like they never went through and tried to think up realistic sounding names). Also people shouldn't have names of places, in fiction or in real life. The title of this entry had nothing to do with it's content. The end. Oh, and I've been watching old silent movies on the internets. Hooray! Bryon Burzynski 14:55, 25 May 2008 (CEST)
I'm starting to find myself appreciating Mark Twain a lot more. --Bryon Burzynski 22:48, 21 May 2008 (CEST)
"Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth" [] - That explains perfectly how I feel adapting to the new word order I have to deal with here. Bryon Burzynski 22:48, 21 May 2008 (CEST)
Something Someone Should Do a Study On: --Bryon Burzynski 22:17, 20 May 2008 (CEST)
Apparantly, bullets are becoming more expensive state-side, because of the rate developing nations are purchasing the requisite pieces of metal ([]) and how many bullets the U.S. military is purchasing to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan. I wonder if homicide rates decrease as the cost of ammunition goes up? Also; it makes for an interesting point that we've been using all these resources to kill each other for so long instead of using the copper for electric-transmission lines in the developing world, and other such endeavors. Ahh well, what're you gonna do? Bryon Burzynski 22:48, 21 May 2008 (CEST)
Upon Further Evaluation, --Bryon Burzynski 22:17, 20 May 2008 (CEST)
I just plain don't like kids.
Kids Today --Bryon Burzynski 21:00, 19 May 2008 (CEST)
Some of the kids here seems like, crazy out of control. From the kids that their parents aren't paying attention to in the stores, to young teenagers on the bus, What is up with that? It's like they never had to face the fact that someone might kick their ass for what they're saying. Eh, just different cultures, I guess. Bryon Burzynski 21:00, 19 May 2008 (CEST)
I wonder if it was a dream --Bryon Burzynski 21:31, 17 May 2008 (CEST)
I need to do research for my "Constitutional Change in the United Kingdom" paper and presentation. Instead I slacked off all day and played Sonic The Hedgehog 3 on my Laptop. It seems more real than anything else I've got going on right now. I don't know what that means, but Old-School video games help me vent frustration from time to time. It rained all day, which is a convenient excuse to stay in, but chances are even if the sun had been shining the whole day I would've stayed in and sulked. I've been having a somewhat recurring theme in my dreams of late - > I'm back at home, but not having completed everything here, and hating myself for it and wanting to get back here as soon as possible. I have no idea what my mind is working through with that, oh well. Bryon Burzynski 21:31, 17 May 2008 (CEST)
Maybe it's not for anything --Bryon Burzynski 23:27, 15 May 2008 (CEST)
I've been exercising and eating right a bit here and there, to counter balance the sort of depression I've been having over a lack of romantic involvement. Except yesterday I had a Double Cheeseburger and French Fries, and today I had Chicken Nuggets and French Fries. I was going to have a salad with tomato, olives, banana peppers, onions, iceberg lettuce, and thyme-rosemary infused vinaigrette today, but my damn lock broke and I had to go get something to eat out. I probably could've ordered something more healthy, but I needed some sort of comfort-food deal anyway, so why not go for it? At least I've been walking between 5 and 10 Kilometers per day. I am feeling better; enough to force myself to be open with someone I want but can't have. If I keep this up, I'll get some crazy idea that I can get her to change her mind or something. How is this relevant to my experiences studying abroad? I have no clue. Okay that's all I've got. I'll think of something relevant to put here some day though, I swear. Bryon Burzynski 23:27, 15 May 2008 (CEST)
Foiled Again! --Bryon Burzynski 23:07, 15 May 2008 (CEST)
I broke my key trying to work the lock on the front of my apartment here. Now I've got to wait for a new one. dangit. Bryon Burzynski 23:07, 15 May 2008 (CEST)
My Education --Bryon Burzynski 13:48, 14 May 2008 (CEST)
You know what I did? I looked up "Bill Bryson" on Wikpedia. Turns out, he comes from the same state as Captain Kirk. Neat.
Oh, I am woefully ignorant of so many things in this world.
Bryon Burzynski 13:48, 14 May 2008 (CEST)
Architecture Minute --Bryon Burzynski 13:38, 14 May 2008 (CEST)
This is in no way pertnent to anything, but I like the bridge on Amalienstrasse over the Hunte, it looks like something you might see in Annapolis, with all the brick and woodwork. I'm at the point though where I have to wait to hear someone talking in German to remember I'm not at home. I guess that's good. It certainly plays into my "Meh, everything's mostly the same" viewpoint on the world. I could explain that further, but I'm not going to. Bryon Burzynski 13:38, 14 May 2008 (CEST)
This is What I do with My Life --Bryon Burzynski 22:30, 11 May 2008 (CEST)
I spent some time reading the Wikipedia entry on German Grammar, and I'm still completely lost in my german class. (well, not completely, but I seriously am starting to feel at an impasse. I need to meet some German people to hang out with so I can start picking this up better.) I walked around town today, but nothing came of it. I hadn't read anything in a while, so over the past few days I've taken a little time to finally finish "Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass". There are a few quotes I thought about putting up in my facebook profile, because I got depressed and deleted all my good quotes a few days back. It shows what I've been doing with my time that a change to my Facebook Profile is a serious consideration... anyway, I'm looking forward to having a chance to yell "YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE; AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!" next friday in class. Bryon Burzynski 22:30, 11 May 2008 (CEST)
Entertainment! --Bryon Burzynski 15:15, 8 May 2008 (CEST)
I don't like Discos. I tried to use google to find a punk-rock club here in the town, but the only links I got were to some band's myspace page, and something about some band having some show here in like, 1982. I need to see some sort of concert or something, I just prefer the vibe in a place where there's a good band playing, and most importantly some sort of pit. Somewhere where I could get some aggression out would be amazing, instead of this pop-techno-dance crap the kids in the ISO are all in to. Bryon Burzynski 15:15, 8 May 2008 (CEST)
More Subtle Observations --Bryon Burzynski 19:13, 7 May 2008 (CEST)
I really do wish I had a bicycle, some of the places where they've torn up the road they've made these super awesome looking little hills, it'd be all BMX like to take them. whoa.
I've also been thinking about getting a tattoo, an Idea i've been toying with for a while, but never followed through on. It seems like the standard "kid x-thousand miles away from home ain't gonna follow no rules by nobody!" umm... well, crap, but I don't know what I would get or if my delicate skin could handle the trauma. I was thinking I would get the "Starbird" (The symbol of the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars) on my left arm. Mainly because I've already pretty much accepted that I'll never know a woman's touch again, so I might as well go whole-hog in playing up the power-nerd angle.
In the interim; I wrote "Don't Back Down" on my hand to remind me to ... not back down.
You know, I had something really good in my head to write for this earlier, but it has all gone away. It's because I've had something on my mind lately. And that's where it's going to stay, On my mind, unless I learn to not back down. Oh, unrequited love sucks from a mile away and from 4,000 miles away. Bryon Burzynski 19:13, 7 May 2008 (CEST)
Thoughts of the Most Deep --Bryon Burzynski 19:03, 7 May 2008 (CEST)
Dear German-Graffiti-Artists: There is a "c" in "fuck". Bryon Burzynski 19:03, 7 May 2008 (CEST)
A Smarter Man Would Have a Wittier Title --Bryon Burzynski 00:27, 6 May 2008 (CEST)
Should've bough a Bicycle. "oh no, the bus pass will be enough," says I "besides it's not that big a town, you can walk to the university". I am a chump, and have now probably wasted any money I could've gotten a bike with on Taxi Faire. Bryon Burzynski 00:27, 6 May 2008 (CEST)
How I Wasted my Day --Bryon Burzynski 00:07, 5 May 2008 (CEST)
Wow, Comedy Central here is just... bad. Like seriously awful. It's like what it was in The States before The Daily Show and South Park.
Knowing that, I decided to forgo the whole "sitting on the couch all day and watch T.V." jazz I had planned. I instead spent about 4 hours exploring the town, taking routes I hadn't taken before to go places I have been before. I used the maps of the bus lines as a sort-of guide to the town, and everything worked out fairly well. One of the things I enjoy about this town over most towns in which I've lived in The States is that you're never more than a block or so away from some sort of Kiosk or restaraunt or something that might be worth visiting on a day where 90% of everything isn't closed. Anyway, I killed time today walking, reading, writing, or drawing; which worked moderately well at clearing my head. So there isn't much to tell, except that I love the way the windows work here, much better than the half-fixed windows back home. Good for lettin' the fresh air in the room. Bryon Burzynski 00:07, 5 May 2008 (CEST)
I Meant to Mention This, --Bryon Burzynski 00:21, 4 May 2008 (CEST)
it provides an interesting perspective on the Death Penalty in the States, with something of a humorous take. There are times I really miss being able to watch this show regularly.
Bryon Burzynski 00:21, 4 May 2008 (CEST)
Sometimes the poor state of the American Educaton System is really really obvious to me. Bryon Burzynski 15:19, 3 May 2008 (CEST)
Wow, Look at the other entries here, The only time I've felt really smart here was while explaining the theories behind Faster-Than-Light travel in Star Wars. I don't think I've ever gotten into a debate on classical literature. On the other hand though, I have had some serious debates over which fast food joints have the best burritos. Bryon Burzynski 15:19, 3 May 2008 (CEST)
Exciting New Content! Bryon Burzynski 14:14, 3 May 2008 (CEST)
Sometimes I get funny looks if I sing while I wait for the bus. I don't know if it's because people don't sing in public here, or if it's just because I'm a terrible singer. Bryon Burzynski 14:14, 3 May 2008 (CEST)
England, the two-taps Country, Joern Esch 13:35, 16 December 2007 (CET)
Its been a while, hasn't it? Well, I forgot my adapter at school, thus I was not able to use my computer until Friday. Friday I did not write anything, because I was at school and went to a poker tournament afterward...I finished 4th and won 105Pounds...YEAH! Yesterday an old friend of mine came by, so this is actually the first opportunity to write something. Nothing much is - in fact - happening at the moment. I will have to work Monday and Tuesday and then I am on my Christmas vacation. I will leave Leeds on Wednesday in the evening and take a plane from Stansted at 7.40 in the morning. It'll most certainly be a quite tiring journey, but that's alright...I guess, since I really look forward to see my family again. The two days at school I will have to give some information on Christmas in Germany; reproducing stereotypes, re-enforcing them, overgeneralising, and so on...you get the picture. Today I will just relax on the couch and watch funny English TV. Well then, I guess I will be chattier tomorrow,
England, the two-taps Country, Joern Esch 17:52, 11 December 2007 (CET)
Unfortunately I am not able to write much today, because I am (fortunately)going to see a - most certainly - brilliant concert by Minus the Bear today. School was alright today. I had two of my favourite classes and the year 7 lunchclub, which is always a pleasure, since them (in Leeds you say them instead of the when you refer to people) kids are sooooo nice! The year 10 fasttrack group (i.e. they are doing their GCSE and their A-levels a year earlier), which we told that I am absolutely ignorant regarding the English language, are about to find out that I am quite alright with my English. I gonna tell them next week anyways and give them the reasons why we pretended I did not understand them. I thought that it would be good for them to overcome their shyness to talk to native speakers in the foreign language and, alas, towards a German they had to talk German, if the German claimed he did not understand a word. I realise that I made many (...) sentences today. Might be due to all the things going around my head at the moment. I will leave a longer entry tomorrow...hopefully,
England, the two-taps Country, Joern Esch 19:13, 10 December 2007 (CET)
Christmas shopping...oh dear. Every year it is the same nonsense and every year I jeopardise my good intentions of not buying too much rubbish whose way of being produced is almost impossible to retrace. I will not be such a bore and go into detail how much we compromise the idea of Christmas by following our capitalistic yearnings. It I just quite interesting that there seems to be no difference between the way English and German Christmas shoppers go utterly berserk when it comes to buying the last piece of manufactured crap. The reason this similarity strikes me is not because I have perceived of the English as an entirely different culture, but I have seen them as rather reserved in their way of going about publicly visible things;i.e. if they are sober and not however involved in a sport event. Everybody you just merely touch on the street immediately apologises; any given occasion where you have to wait for anything: people form a proper cue (even if it is raining and there is no roof). For the most of you this might not be new. Neither is it to me, thus I was really surprised on the absolutely aggressive way the English handle their Christmas shopping, which is so similar to an Advent weekend in Oldenburg's pedestrian precinct. Before I went to buy presents for my dear ones, I was at school. Today I assisted in two year 11 (age 15-16), a year 10 (age 14-15) and a LOVELY year 8 (age 11-12) groups. All of these groups are - in their own ways - really nice and fun to teach. Asking the same questions over and over again, however, is not so much fun. I will not be able to lead a smalltalk conversation in Germany when I return, since I am sick and tired of questions on name, age, home, hobbies, and favourite music. Well, this is what the teachers want me to do; this is what I am being paid for; and this is what the kids are going to be tested at.
I have to go now, since I am quite hungry and the Simpsons are about to begin,
England, the two-taps Country, Joern Esch 16:48, 9 December 2007 (CET)
Nothing much has happened today, since I spent most of the day in the kitchen reading and correcting a dissertation (not a PhD Thesis) of a friend of mine. Initially I wanted to start writing things for my thesis in History, but the correction took quite a while. I also went to the Tesco nearby to get some things for the house (toiletpaper and milk etc.). Tesco is one of the biggest supermarket chains in England, and - as almost everywhere else - one is always asked for a clubcard. Quite annoying and I really don't feel like giving away my personal shopping habits, thus I do not own a club card. I am fully aware of the fact that customer anonymity is rather an illusion, but I do what I can to preserve my private sphere. I am still quite uncertain about how I will stucture my final thesis and in how far I can employ Foucault's and Bourdieu's theories, thus I decided to start of from a descriptive approach and see how far I can get from there. Tomorrow I will be working at school again. I work on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays, so I have some sort of a "mid-week second weekend" which is quite nice, so I can go to concerts or play poker tournaments in a nearby casino. My work basically includes preparing games or other small speaking activities for the pupils and walking around the classroom and helping with exercises. It is quite alright t work like this and the loan is fairly decent. I will head home at the 20th and stay at my mom's place. Christmas obligations and seeing my family are the main reasons for that. I do look forward to say "moin" again to people without being looked at as if I were some kind of major weirdo. Mostly all of the other assistants are from southern Germany, so they do not know how to communicate adequately :) As I have said before, nothing much has happened and my thoughts on my final thesis cannot be discussed here, thus I conclude with wishing all of you all the best,
England, the two-taps Country, Joern Esch 16:49, 8 December 2007 (CET)
Well then, Blog... dunno really how to do this. I have recently found out about myself that I tend to find out about how to do a thing before I do it. Before I cook, I consult a cookbook or a recipe; before I write something academic, I read theories and theories about the topic; thus, I should actually have read something about how to blog, before I began writing this...but i decided I won't. So you will have to cope with my blog as it is and if I do not write in agreement to the rules for blogging, i.e. if there are any, well, bear with me. It is already more than two months ago that I left Oldenburg and went to Leeds. The major advantage for me, in comparison to other exchange students or foreign language assistants (FLA), was that I already knew somebody here. I had met Naomi three years ago on a surfing trip to Biarritz and we stayed in touch since. As soon as I heard about my provisional implacement in Leeds (where she studies contemporary dance) I texted her and she offered to live in her house, since there was a vacant room.
Alright, Leeds it is!!! Leeds as a city is fairly difficult to describe. It has, as most English cities, these brick, terraced houses, which I am particularly fond of. Leeds will most certainly never become a touristy place like York or other cities where you can go sight-seeing. There are, apart from some exceptions like the Town hall, few pompous buildings that people can take pictures of. Leeds' architectural charm is rather subtle. If one looks up to the houses' gables, one can find a very nice Victorian touch. One can see little variations in most of their architectural style, the applications used, etc. Generally speaking, Leeds seems to quite suiting for my aesthetic preferences. Leeds is one of the cities in Yorkshire which grew rapidly during the Industrialisation. I really like things that show men's manipulation, thus a city with the 'fingerprint' of the industrial revolution meets my gusto.
I will end with these impressions now,
Jessika Thiele: A smooth evening, Sunday,25th May,2008
There is rarely anything better than a rainy evening and Marlene Dietrich in the background...Earl Grey with milk and sugar. The end of the day could not be much better. Besides the happiness that I finished the assignment some hours ago...had some more calls with my parents...talked with them about pets. I miss my cats and Daisy (my dog). Lately our black cat catches many birds...he is actually a little old to discover his animal instinct. I even miss my brother...as I kinda feel like a second mother for him but I know I decided for all this...though I had the possibility to study in Leipzig I wanted to come here to live my life the way I wanted...an experience which will shape my existance.
Enjoy the drizzle!
Jessika Thiele: A long article, Saturday,24th May,2008
As I am finally a poetess again (and the engraving looks wonderful) I can finally continue writing. This week was so busy with other things: I talked to people who seemed a good part of my way on destiny. At Friday I went to the publisher house to ask for an internship and I was surprised what that guy there told me...lines like When you wanna do something, dont ask for it, Do it! were kind of enlightening to me. He showed me so many possibilities and ideas of projects that I felt reborn after his talk...besides I told him about my book and maybe I can let it print. Never ever before in my life someone gave me such a chance...to make my art live...to blow a sense of living into it so that it can exist...though it may not be perfect...this incident just respects the beauty of a simple thing being. Even essays and other university stuff is all good for printing and I hope in future some more students will take the chance to let their works print cause...being honest, it always looks cool when you can write on your CV that you wrote a book or published your work (even if it is only an essay). Though I was badly tired from the whole week (and this assignment,not worth mentioning) I got up early this morning and went to a football game of some international students. To me (as to many other women too) the game was a side way thingy...I was more interested in the kind of English they were speaking...infact they were talking in three languages: English, German and French. Can't say which language I hate most...English I deeply love...German is my mother tongue and well, French...is another matter. The African English is only a real matter of getting used to it...how they stretch words and that they say a straight t instead of th...can be funny with the word teeth. As I was bored during the game and there were now and then silent periods I called my mother. Sure after the holidays she was into total stress but surprisingly she told me about some jobs (jobs that usually are offered in a teachers forum). Jobs about some diplomatic work in New York or Asia...such jobs were for graduated studuents with two languages (like me...). I think the fact that she saw such possibilities for me after the studies gave her a little hope I will survive in this world...later can do something with my studies. Well, the article is long enough now and I need to still look for some dark skinned models for my writing project...so...
Jessika Thiele: Hmmmm the beginning, Wednesday,21st May,2008
Now and then I realize I am still a stranger to myself...surprise myself and hate myself. As I gave my favourite pen away for an engraving I live without writing poetry for a week...such a harsh restriction of life! Friday is anyway coming closer and as I just saw my assignment for this week I suppose my head will be busy anyway with something else. Lately my hands force me to write; simply only at the times when I read Shakespeare. Trying to copy his style can be very much fun...especially cause of the language...as it is so different from the modern English there are more ways to bring language out of order. As I was badly sentimental yesterday (and I had nothing to do - no internet connection) I remembered why I actually started writing English poetry. I memorized: it actually started with some simple words...simple enough for a girl of 17. Once I tried writing a German poem; was condemned to fail badly and I did not keep it....all the other sheets of paper of English poems I kept in a big folder.
Why I never developped a strong love to German language?
...as it is my mother tongue that would have been close.
Also the deep reason why I truly started writing is not clear to me yet...before, I began writing a German story...some twenty pages with mainly dialogue....not worth mentioning infact.
Jessika Thiele: Modern society, Tuesday,20th May,2008
Tuesday morning starts lazy...at least not as yesterday...when I had the feeling that something bad is going to happen. After my first lecture I went to city to get some pencils...I smiled at the salesmen when they stared at me...while asking: What for you need a pencil to write on skin? They all did not understand it at all...neither the artistic aspect of my plans...so, unfortunately there was no pencil for my needs. Gonna keep looking for special pencils...desperately, as my only true lovely pencil I will get back at Friday. While I was waiting for the bus, I used my time very well: watching the people around. It did not even shock me somehow when suddenly two girls started running around...stopped in front of me and took out a bottle of perfume to make their surrounding smell a bit better. Hardly I could avoid coughing. Maybe I should add: the girls were maximum 10! They did not even look like little girls: short skirts, lipstick...I swear they were wearing more make-up than I did in my whole lifetime. I thought to myself: that is so different from my hometown...so it cannot be part of German culture (and I know what true culture is: my mother is head teacher of a school in East Germany) In the end we need to accept people as they are...cause we cant change them anyway.
Jessika Thiele: Grey in grey, Friday,16th May,2008
The only thing that's shining this morning is the honey on my toast. Sugar wakes me up...although my mother somehow got it wrong yesterday.She sent me a package full of chocolate. I still thanked her on phone and wished her a nice journey to Egypt...when I look at the sky today I wish I would be there,too. Not only for sun...but also for learning Arabic in its natural surroundings. I always wished I could be anywhere else...just not in Germany. Well,anyway...Did you ever have the feeling that someone who is looking at you can look right through you...directly into your heart...sees everything of you...good and evil....past and future...pleasure and pain!?
Jessika Thiele: Poetry on the Road, Thursday,15th May,2008
Honestly I was really much irritated when a friend of mine told me today that in Bremen is some kind of exposition. Why I did not hear about it? Well, I took her note to me as a sign and plan to go to Bremen tomorrow...to Poetry on the road. It seems very much cool even though there's the risk they may only read German poetry....the differences between an Arabic poet and a Dutch poet is surely interesting to hear and read. That nice evening might be also a good change of my evening program. Poetry is always worth reading; doesnt matter what language!
Jessika Thiele: A short moment in life, Wednesday,14th May,2008
The evening sun softly touches my cheeks and I feel her warmth so close to my heart. A tremendous silence covers my ears....no German sound...no sound of any foreign language. Just my inner voice and the peace of myself. The bus stops...a traffic light makes me open my eyes. Dream is over. I look through the small space of the bus. Some women stare at me as if I come from another planet. My face may have looked like an excotic animal. Did they not feel what I felt? Time to get out of here. I am walking again to continue my journey. Where it will lead me to is not certain but who cares about destination when the way is so beautiful. A short moment of my attention to you, my Self.
Jessika Thiele: The right side, Monday,12th May,2008
I just had the first ice cream of this year and it feels fantastic. My new poetry homepage is also online already...though the layout is awful. I will try to put the old and latest poetry of mine on there but it may take a while. Besides lately I struggle again with all the languages...the Dutch studies are easy and the English seems to finally be on a higher level...but the Arabic is just getting out of my control...just little. Although Arabic is the easiest language I learned so far it has a logic which you need to feel into and not only learn. Last week has been really one of my most inspirational weeks of my carreer. I wrote 7 poems in one week...even good poetry wow...there were lots of troubles in me; still I handled them pretty well. Maybe I become an adult...slowly, unintentionally; even though I will keep fighting to stay on the right side....whatever the right side is!
Jessika Thiele: What is artful poetry?, Friday,9th May,2008
With a tough week behind and in front of me I am right between two different virtues of the day. At first I wanna mention that I am definitely not satisfied with the reult of my poetry assignment! My way of writing may not have been the best; so was expressing my ideas...but still it was an attempt to understand Percy's poetry. Well,anyway I am looking ahead with a new idea of a deeply artful video in my head and some recorded poetry (from which I do not know yet how to put that sound online) With that bothering thoughts I will go sleep now. Cheerz Angelz!
Jessika Thiele: Spring and every year the same, Sunday,4th May,2008
Sometimes we just cannot say what we wanted to say for so long. Sometimes we cannot sing and dance because we lack courage. And then, sometimes we cannot breath standing so close next to a tree who should actually offer oxygen.
Now we know it's spring. Last week I had a talk with a British poet and it was amazing to see how he can express his feelings, certainly love, in different poems. We compared one poem he wrote in winter time with a poem he wrote just a week back...the difference was obvious... And this case of love and spring and...it just makes me think. I could not get the story out of my head that he fell in love with a violinist half his age. When other people and bus stations and train stations passed by I thought: Why it never works when artists fall in love with each other? (Besides that nobody actually knows what Love is...must be a big word when we use it so often)...
Why nobody usually falls in love with a poet?
Why is this love only kept away and never real?
Are artists so much different that they wont get into the love pattern?
Cause of all those questions I hated spring so far...but instead of hate I gonna try to face the questions this year. That might be the worst moment of facing my problems...or the best...as my mind and my body too, is very much imbalanced lately. That is the reason why I feel high sometimes...I am the only person in this city who can actually feel high without any kind of drugs. It is only a matter of mind!
Jessika Thiele: A new enlightment, Tuesday,22nd April,2008
After the closest soul to me told me straight forward that giving my opinion is useless. I was deeply offended...angry and depressed...my little (poetic) ego got hurt. But he was right! When I saw some people having a talk about politics of several countries in this world I felt simply bored...everyone gave his opinion and where did that lead us to? Answer: Back to the beginning...to no aim...not even to nowhere. So I was thinking and wondering what could impress (or keep the people from sleeping)? Frankly, a clear answer I couldnt find so far. Scandals are always popular...to me the real scandal of religion is obvious but certainly with explaining only the way I see it I cant hit the point. (Maybe a reason why I will never be able to study journalism) Though I knew my last articles (entries) were just nonsense I still wrote them. Perhaps as a bad example...for you to make it better...to rise to a better level of discussing a topic. I shall see it as a simple matter of practice. Words can be powerful to some extend...but only to those who really are on the same level as the writer. With some billions of people on earth and many different levels the chances of getting someone to read a totally unknown book (site) are small.
Only words that get criticed are true valuable words.
Well, anyway, I am still trying to get rid of a few questions which occured in my head already some weeks ago...mostly about William Blake. As I cleared the theme of religion so far...I went back to the basic of Blake's Milton...to Milton himself.
What was so fascinating about Milton?
Surely with Blake no one can get away from religion... I just peeked into some books written by Milton...for example Paradise Lost...a pretty nice story of paradise and how easy it is to lose good things...even his prose was well written I admit. Still at every corner I faced an innocent topic covered by a religious background. Unfortunately I did not have time to look into some books about Blake's and Milton's time to get a clear picture of both of them.
Jessika Thiele: Blinded, Monday,14th April,2008
After I handled the time travelling as well as possible and planned my internship in India I came across an irritating fact...though Jerusalem is already a religious symbol itself...
Why I did not see all the other religious terms in Blake's Milton?
I mean, it is really obvious...the words like god and satanic or heaven. As far as I remember even no one in the lecture noticed the religious aspects before the lecturer said so. How is it possible that religion can be so deeply hidden towards the mind? To the people of the 19th century it must have been even more obvious as (I dare to say) they were more religious than we, students, today. I always wonder about the aspects of religion. Frankly I am totally against any kind of religion....philosophy and some kind of spiritual theories: yes, but religion (with a holy book, monuments and rituals) is, in my eyes, the deepest disillusionment humanity ever got into! At first I need to say that I accept and understand every religion in existence. Still religion is nothing scientific...Isn't it? My character traits always allow me to accept everything and especially those things which I cant see but it always shocked me last week when many of my friends told me they take lectures in Religion... What is there to analyse about? I am always open for enlightenment but just as long as it follows a certain logic.
Is believing in a supernatural power a logic?
Is going to church (or praying in a temple), falling on your knees, stretching your arms up to the ceiling something you have to do to reach a higher state of understanding?
Is living a strict and regulated life a path to enlightenment?
I confess I am not wise enough to answer those questions but a priest couldn’t do either.
Honestly, people who forsake the faith in science...became totally blinded by faith itself. Maybe academics are obsessed by Shakespeare...being obsessed by weird ideas of the creation of our earth and mankind without any slight scientific proof (like: In the beginning God (prepared, formed, fashioned, and) created the heavens and the earth.) is even worse. As a student's spoken judgement of religion rarely reaches someone in this world it may echo in words.
Jessika Thiele: Time travelling in literature, Wednesday,9th April,2008
So long ago that I even cannot remember how many errors I've put into my last blogentries. Holidays passed very quick and I tried to not forget about literature and art...surely not forget poetry.Though I did not write lots of poetry lately (four or five maximum) I collected ideas very carefully...so I planned a collection of poetry called The Journey of the Phoenix...Yeah, it could be a little too simple to name the collection like this but...poetry lives also through a certain degree of recognization. The lecture yesterday just inspired me little...it just put me back into a time that I can hardly understand...19th century is nice but my mind is still with another time...16./17. century...At weekend I went shopping and accidently a book with the title Shakespeare by Bill Bryson fell into my hands. I recommend this book even when you do not care about Shakespeare...Those who know B. Bryson also know what his funny writing style is like. He desecribes the England of Shakespeare's time and some details are very much interesting...especially the things about London...which might be important to us as we will read Antony and Cleopatra. I felt step by step a picture of London built up in my head while reading Brysons book. Still the book reminds me that we actually know nothing about Shakespeare's life...everything just speculation...Bryson calls it academic obsession...very true! The problem I've got now is...jumping from 16th century to 19th century without anything in between. Perhaps a problem I created by myself...and it will get worse...because soon we will go back in time...to Shakespeare. Maybe this is even one of the problems which needs to be solved to handle literature in future. Anyway,still I enjoy William Blake's poetry, his world he has surely built up with words. Desperately answering the four questions about the poem did not bring us further in interpretation...in understanding. That is why you better read Milton completely and not only the preface of the book. Jerusalem is one brick of a big house and you cannot know its function before you did not see the whole picture. By the way, pictures...Milton is half poetry...half painted art so it is worth having a look at the painted part. Mixing two kinds of art is pretty interesting...you have to think in many different directions,still you move your thoughts in limits that are given by the artists ideas.
Jessika Thiele: Aftermath, Thursday,25th January,2008
After recovering from the test life seem to go on normally. The test definitely did not show all my knowledge...the whole wide field of literature. How can I measure so many lectures against 60 minutes of a test!? When I prepared the test I stumbled across the broader meaning of this lecture and the historical development of...fiction, drama and poetry. In the end it is simply logic that we first got a broad view on literature itself and then were taking a closer look at the main genres of literature.And I think I also understood (after I ignored the half sentence in the last lecture we had) why poetry only got one lecture and drama two lectures: it simply has something to do with the historical development. Enough of the test!
When I came back from my home town to Oldenburg ( a pleasant travel of seven hours) I had to think about this week. Frankly it is a week which will check how strong my love to English language is. This is not about failing or passing the literature test or the pronunciation test tomorrow; such flat reasons would never make me worry. It is more linked to my own limits.
Does love ever have limits!?
Well,I think this philosophical question is a little too heavy for me. I better turn to another problem which will hunt me possibly till summer time: the internship we need to do. It is almost impossible to get an internship...a good one, I mean...not making coffee or copying thousand of pages. Half a year before the internship starts is just too less time but to someone in the first semester it is simply impossible to get an internship one year before. And surely no one cares about my work of six weeks in Italy. Though we only need to do an internship for THREE weeks we would need to show them that we worked at least three MONTH. Some bureaucracy is not logical and this is definitely one of it! As someone who seeks an internship I don’t even expect a payment but at least a good experience which I wont have when I continue trying to find an internship in Germany. Even abroad the tendency of finding a good place is going into zero.
Jessika Thiele: Poetry as an underestimated ability of our society, Wednesday,9th January,2008
Out of physical reasons I had problems to follow the lecture but still my curiosity made me attend it. I was badly disappointed...The lecture definitely lacked passion and love for poetry. I saw Mr. Kirchhofer trying badly to bring it close to the students...I even admit it is so hard to show a dozen students what poetry is...what it carries and what it feels to be a poet. I should have known before that it is almost impossible to get the topic clear. The first five minutes of the lecture I listened attentively...as in the first lecture of this semester I almost cried (out of another reason) but...the words were getting slower and slower and I was just bored. Surely Poetry demands some respect and even silence sometimes, nevertheless Jerusalem is not a silent poem and he didnt even show it to us...we only listened T.S. Eliot's tired voice. I do not have any further words for this drama which I watched yesterday. Poetry never ever bored me in my life! And I see it as some kind of offense that the single lecture of Poetry was wasted that sadly! Furthermore, ignoring Jerusalem was not a wise step of the lecturer...Jerusalem is very much understandable (by language and style) and it was only mentioned. But the more complex and senseless (no sense which was obvious to the students sleeping behind me) Wasteland was simply a wrong step. Poetry is not necessarily a relic of ancient times. It is very present in our society. Maybe not everyone knows that there are sessions called 'Poetry Slams'. So called poets start rhyming spontaneously about a given topic. I need to confess that such slams are not my favourite way of showing poetry to the public but I guess it would ,at least, arise some students interest in the topic.
Maybe in future our lecturers plan a poetry slam and we will see how much the new style of poetry will fascinate us.
Jessika Thiele: Poetry as an underestimated ability of our society, Monday,7th January,2008
Monday evening ends with some controversial thoughts about the linguistic 'homework' and music by Patricia Kaas in the background (forcing my dislike for France into deeper roots). Anyway, my thoughts about the poetic session tomorrow froze during Christmas and it's slowly heating up again. I am still ashamed of myself that I seem to be the only one who took the more complicated text by Robert Markley to make an excerpt. Still I dont regret it...I love the 18th century and some things written by Markley were quite new to me: as an example Newton couldnt prove his theories by experiments.He just wrote down what he thought is right. (Our world order would be up side down when every scientist does that) Well, there is an even worse shame but this one is not mine.
How is it possible that there is only one lecture about poetry!?
I hope it's not a simple mistake. So I may think it has a concrete reason. When I link this reason to my basic question 'What is(was) poetry?' then I partly feel on the right way. I am pretty bad in math but as I see this case it should be calculated that way : poetry = drama/opera -> and this leads to the solution that we only concentrate on drama (where we wasted two lectures). There is another fact which I want to complain about: the choice of poems! How are such choices made? 'Wasteland' was a good choice, no doubt, but (although I love the poem deeply) 'Jerusalem' is just taking too much time to be understood in its infinite roots. Actually we should read 'Milton' too and then need to understand Blake's philosophy. With hope for changes and fear that the lecturer will judge my existence as a poet I curiously look forward to the lecture tomorrow.
Jessika Thiele: Art as violence...or artistic violence?, Friday, 21st December, 2007
This will be the last entry of the year 2007 and so far I am very satisfied with my studies and the literature. Still there are the traces of the last lecture lurking in my head. Besides that I was mostly not concentrated because I have read and analysed Wycherley's Country Wife already before...I was interested in the violence in Bond's Saved. Well, I need to admit I didnt read that book but still...it seems the cruel death of a baby describes violence best. Isn't death...violence ...I may mention saddism and masochism as well...that what makes art so special!? Feeling pity and pleasure. Such lines might be dangerous in public but still ...as you see in many examples of literature...violence sells just as sexual pleasures do. Maybe it's not at all the act of violence itself which attracts us but the death. In my opinion it's very positive when we think and confront ourselves with the topic death...and especially during art, so in an indirect way, we get the positive aspects of death and can imagine what will happen to us when we will die. Well, When I heard the words violence in art I immediately thought of Francis Bacon (No, not the philosopher and politician of the 17th century)...I mean the saddistic,masochistic painter Francis Bacon. I watched a movie about him a while back and there was a scene when he imagined that a family had a car crash and every member of the family was lying dead on the road...to Bacon this scene was simple art in its purest shape! I could never forget the adoration he has put in that saddistic and pathetic love to death. With those words about a special perspective of art I will wish you a pleasant Christmas time and a joyful new year 2008!
Jessika Thiele: William Blake, Tuesday, 14th December, 2007
In regard of my preparation for the next lectures I noticed something very interesting. Well, T.S. Eliot's poem is quite long indeed and divided into different parts with different contents.I have read The Waste Land or some people also call it The wasteland (I suppose because this is the original title)...a month ago when I was looking through the list of things we need to read. It is an interesting poem for sure but right now I would prefer to keep my impressions of William Blake in here.
I just read Jerusalem some minutes ago.I like poems who are short and still would keep every student busy for many many years. Jerusalem is one of those poems and as Mr. Blake has been a painter too he also made some wonderful paintings of this topic. As I went through some of the books in library I found some other poems by him.One strange and still fascinating word caught my eyes. It was the word Albion. I looked it up in a normal dictionary.I couldnt find any entry. Well, I looked it up in an older dictionary of the origins of words. There I found only an entry about the beginning of Albion but with a question mark. That confused me even more. Curiously I continued seeking the meaning of this fascinating word...On the internet I found the answer which could only partly satisfy me.
As William Blake has been very deep into mythology he used it in his works. In fact Albion has different meanings. It's said that Albion is an old celtic word which describes the Islands of Great Britain. And in regard of Blake's writings it's a figure of Greek mythology. Albion is the Giant son of the Greek sea god Poseidon. Albion founded a country on the British Isles and ruled this country.He is divided into Four Zoas(in fact good and bad virtues).
Of course,Albion is not mentioned in the poem Jerusalem but this knowledge about the interest of Greek mythology by Blake might help us to get the meaning of Jerusalem.
I refrain from giving my opinion at this moment.There should be still some excitement and surprise left for the weekend and tuesday.
Jessika Thiele: Shakespeare's heritage, Tuesday, 11th December, 2007
Actually I already tried to sleep but I couldnt...there was the thought of the today's lecture... Yes,that was a lecture which I liked and needed after three weeks. It felt as if Shakespere's ghost was watching us...quietly but not in peace. Sometimes I felt as if I saw some scenes of his life at the grey wall...at those moments my mind was drifting away from the words which were said...dirfting to the 16th and 17th century.
When the lecturer showed pictures of the Globe theatre in London my heart filled with pride cause once I was standing there...on this stage; not as an actress but as a curious poetic student who felt Shakespeare's spirit there stronger than today.
There is one question which really does not want to leave my mind: How can a poor man ,as Shakespeare has been, write such plays? Yes, thats the question!...
As I see writing (or in this case dramas) as a part of the great field art...I can see Shakespeare as an artist and every artist puts his soul into his creation. Of course, there is no doubt that Shakespeare has put some heart in all these plays...but today it is definitely almost undoubtly impossible to prove who Shakespeare really was.
Shamefully artists mostly become famous after their death...that leaves the question : Whats the difference between a dead famous author and a living famous author? Well, definitely the money to spend and the joy linked to it...BUT when an author gets rich during his live time...then something must be wrong. Art takes a lot of time to develop ...and with develop I dont mean the different editions or prints or kinds of performance...No!
I mean, the sensitivity of our society.
As we also heard today...Drama is mostly living through social phenomenas. With society, Drama changes...art changes. And this change made Shakespeare a wealthy man already during his life time!
Those who carefully listened today know that Shakespeare lived in a time of change...but,oh, what a drastic change!? From joy and lovely plays to cruelity,violence and hate.
As we know that clearvoyants dont exist...we can see Shakespeare as a very lucky,and even clever, man of this changing times. He knew how to handle the changes and how to bring them on the stage.
Maybe that's the reason why we shall respect this gentleman and his works of such ancient time.
Jessika Thiele: On Poetry, Tuesday, 11th December, 2007
Last weekend I went through the complexity of Wycherley's The Country Wife.It was not as simple as I thought...though it is definitely a funny play I had my problems with forcing all thoughts into an excerpt. I could talk about this Comedy for some hours...every little detail seems to be important but...still we are not allowed to write a whole essay about it. The last two lectures of Literature honestly...how to say it...bored me. The topic 'novel' is definitely not my favourite one and I am glad that we continue with Shakespeare today and with Wycherley next week. Desperately I try to write the excerpt and other things before Christmas days.I see I will never succeed. It just already took me too long to write the first excerpt. It's some kind of shame that we only can use one text of the two for the excerpt. I was really interested what Markley said in this Rise of Nothing and when the teacher puts one text already on the site then the fairness should allow that the second text is there too. Well,maybe it's only a matter of planning and a matter of time which I learned in here is more complicated than anywhere else. I cant even plan some kind of holidays for two weeks because I never know when I will write tests (so called Klausur) in the free time after the semester. So,one is chained to this place and the studies for three years. But some things cant wait for three years. I need time to publish my book...to correct the mistakes first and then find someone who publishes it. I need time to write poetry and besides all this I need time to write all the other things which the teachers want me to write. That reminds me that Literature cant be that boring...because I never had time to write a poem during that lecture. Though it definitely is an enrichment to my knowledge and my poetry. I will see what's said about Shakespeare today and will lean back to enjoy the words about this great gentleman.
Jessika Thiele: On Poetry, Wednesday, 21st November, 2007
Somehow in the lecture yesterday there was a deep unrest in the room...It was pretty hard to concentrate on the lecturers words. I tried to be specially attentive because sometimes it happens that I turn my back to the topic 'Novel'. I am an author myself and it's also interesting to see the roots of Novels...at least there is the same mess of names as in Poetry. But frankly my thoughts are still with a totally different word... Already at last weekend, when I had a look at the topic 'The Rise of the Novel' the word 'Rise' made me think. Obviously some students expected to hear about the total beginning of the Novel...(Oh sometimes we wish it would be so simple in history...get an exact day and exact name of the author and exact name of the title...We would keep it all in mind...write it down in the written test and get our perfect mark for it.)Nevertheless we shall be glad that history is not that simple...so we can open a debate about everything. Well, back to the rise...I would like to copy the definition of the word I found in my dictionary: rise,rising,rose,risen :1 to get up from a lying,sitting,or kneeling position; 2 to move from a lower to a higher position or place. That may be enough as a definition of this word.So rising is not the beginning though a lying position' can also be some kind of beginning. So now I suppose the rise is meant to be the beginning of the debate about Novels. So what was before Robinson Crusoe? Novels, romances, dramas!? All together!?
Maybe Robinson Crusoe deserves an own category of literature...It's not a typical romance neither a typical novel. Perhaps that was the special trick of DeFoe's writing...it looks as if it is a romance and shocks the readers with its signs of a novel(in my eyes that's what makes a book interesting: special elements of writing which differ from every other book of the past.) We try to force the book into a category...instead of having endless discussions about which category it belongs to ,we can keep it easy and give it an own category. It would demand some more work and confusion to invent some more categories of literature but it may help us in our discussion.
Mr. Simons mentioned another point which attached my attention immediately...female authors! I honestly doubt that we shall put Robinson Crusoe into this area ...so called proto novels most prominently by female authors(third version). Female authors deserve a special seperated part of literature. Perhaps a good point to seperate the rise from novels written by men from the rise of novels written by women. The problem we just face here again when we start dividing and dividing...we can also continue cutting the writers into seperations (rich or poor; educated or uneducated (in the time we are talking about there rich and educated was definitely linked))
Before I close this article I may find some more words about the end of the lecture (the questioning time) The audience laughed about Mr.Simons word higher educated readership. What was there to laugh about? At university we are part of a higher educated readership and it's indeed a part of our lecture to differ between fictional and non-fictional writings. Of course,it takes a lot of reading till we really can see what's true and what's fiction but with every book (mostly modern novels-the topic of our following lectures) we get a little closer to this aim.
Jessika Thiele 11:50, 21 November 2007 (CET)
Jessika Thiele: On Poetry, Wednesday, 14th November, 2007
Here we go...at a cold cold Wednesday night...Recovering my impressions from the yesterday's lecture and from a line of a friend of mine: She said that Literature is the most confusing course of the whole English studies. Frankly, I can understand her but only because I know that literature is such a wide field and that's why it seems complex. I also admit that after the lecture of literature I was even more confused about my main question...
What is Poetry?...
And what's the difference to Poesy?
Why do you use two different words? Poesy so soft and Poetry so strong...almost an illusion because Poetry is mostly fragile. I fear I need to find out first
'What WAS Poetry?'
Was it Opera? No, not at all...
There was more than Opera and more in the Poets heads than a play on a stage. (Sometimes poetry should be hidden in a small chamber and never get out...especially not on a stage...you can compare it to a prisoner whose head will be cut off in front of hundred people)
I try to figure out what the Poets of that time thought. Were they happy with the stage? And another question rising in my head: What about Drama? So all Poets in that time got a connection to Drama (or at least to a play on a stage in a theatre)?
I suppose I already asked far more questions than one can answer...some surely will be answered by the tutors in the lectures and some will be answered by myself. I dont know...when I think of Drama and a theatre then Shakespeare comes into my mind. Even the hundred years old books of Shakespeare's plays on my bookshelf may not give the answer to my dearly beloved questions. Simply because Shakespeare was not a poet...though...he wrote some poems I dare to say he was definitely not a poet as we know the word 'Poet' today...
So was he called a Poet in his time!?
So far the tutors in any English course were avoiding Shakespeare...his character...his time and his surroundings. I remember something my English teacher said last year: 'When I was studying I hated Shakespeare and I still hate him.' As an admirer of this great man I was shocked.
How can an English teacher ever dare to say she/he doesnt like Shakespeare?
Sure, I confess his plays and thoughts are not modern today BUT in his time his plays and thoughts were a revolution!
Well, I guess in the end literature is worth a discussion about its own definition...but it's not worth having a debate about the beauty of literature because every piece of Literature is beautiful!
Jessika Thiele 20:21, 14 November 2007 (CET)
Jessika Thiele: On Poetry, 6th November, 2007
I am not sure what this blog is for but somehow I felt a strong urgent to write something in here...about the lecture of this afternoon. The word 'Literature' in the historic background...it deeply fascinated me that we all talked about the same thing hundred years ago...just had another word.
Frankly there was one moment when I almost cried during the lecture...not because I was desperate or so sad or fed up with the content. No!
I deeply sighed when the tutor asked the rhetorical question: Why do we give our attention to poetry? I am studying English in the first semester and I am a poetess myself.Started writing some years ago.I even dare to say I am a good poetess...modern but good...and my first day in Oldenburg I spent in the library ... stumbling across books which tried to give me an answer on: What is poetry?
I found a book about Keats therories of this topic...that he used the word 'Sensitivity' to describe this rhythmic expression of feelings.
For so many years I was writing verses...lines...deeply meant to be philosophical...and suddenly at my first day in Oldenburg I was confronted with the question of my entire being.
I suppose it's obvious now that I really love poetry and it's not only verses or rhyme or any other well written nonsense to me. I appreciate English language in its deep sense and it strucked me deeply inside when I heard people laughing about this language...making fun of it.
Doesnt this language deserve our respect?
Pityful I thought about this question for a while and I came to the conclusion that all the people there had a reason why they took those English courses...in a modern way this reason can be defined as respect. I admit my respect towards language is quite different...
Anyway, I return to my first lines and to the question why we give so much attention to poetry...I may answer it one day when I found a satisfying answer on 'What is Poetry?' or I will just get an answer from the tutors in further lectures...I hope that the tutors will come to the simple end that they say 'Poetry deserves our attention because it reflects the feelings of individuals towards a hidden topic in a special time of history...in a special period.'
Jessika Thiele 20:02, 7 November 2007 (CET)